lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
