Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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