so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
