i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How external is "for external use only"?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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