Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
