Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
