Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
