come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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