I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
