I think I am morally bankrupt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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