and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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