i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
