I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
