I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
