so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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