Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
