just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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