oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
