is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
