How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
