I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
