dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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