I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
