I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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