If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
