booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
