guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
