he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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