The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
