She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
