Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
