Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it because I queefed?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i think i just lost a toe
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
