This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
