He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
