he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
