How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
