I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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