I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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