If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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