he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
