I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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