I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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