a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
