Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
