you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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