Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
