A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
