I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
