There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
