Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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